In preparation for leaving in six–YIKES!–days, I have been doing some cleaning. All last week, I cleaned my room. I found old English assignments from when I was 12-13. I found my first page of notes for Shad that I ever wrote. I found journal entries from when I was six. (I was never good at keeping a journal. Don’t know why a blog is that different.)

All in all, cleaning out my room wasn’t that bad. I found I had a lot of craft supplies, I saved a lot of my story notes, and that was about it. (I’m a paper hoarder. All my memories are on paper.)

Then, today, I cleaned out where I kept my old school books, notebooks and textbooks.

Throwing away all my nursing notes wasn’t as hard as I had been expecting. I was tempted to save them, but in reality, I’m not lugging them all to USF and if I need to reference anything from them, I can always do a spotlight search and find what I need.

The problem is that my probation letters were found there too. The ones that said, “Abigail, you’re having a bad time in clinical. You really need to improve.” Then the ones that said, “Abigail, you failed out.” And I just recently saw the one that said, “Abigail, you can’t come back.”

Now, my mom doesn’t know about the last one, and she kinda doesn’t know about the three warnings I got. I didn’t realize how bad it was until after the fact. (Keep in mind that they put me on probation the first year for assessments and when I asked them what would happen, they said not to worry about it. Don’t ever give me that answer again, teachers. I want the straight truth.)

Moreover, I don’t know what to do with them. Some part of me is thinking that, although I’m throwing out everything that is related to nursing except these, maybe I should just toss them too and be done with it. The other part of me is thinking that I should save them, just in case, which is what I’ll probably do. Save them, hide them upstairs under my drawings from when I was 11 and my old English assignments under my bed.

This started me thinking, though. I really don’t understand or think it is that fair that I failed. I’m trusting that G-d knew what he was doing. G-d was protecting me. Now how sending me into teaching is protecting me I sometimes don’t know. But he’s wise beyond all measure and he knows what he’s doing down here. (Some of my evidence for that comes from the fact that the teacher remembered something way different than how it happened.)

Anyway, I don’t understand really how I failed. I’m not a rule breaker. If I knew a rule, I’d follow it. If I understood the procedures, I’d follow it. The problem is that I didn’t understand. Somewhere, that information was lost.

But here’s the other problem. I don’t get why what I did is so dangerous. After all, I didn’t check a patient’s wrist band before I took her sugar. (I did, although the teacher didn’t believe it, always check the wrist bands for medications, except once when the teacher threw me off by being there.) I didn’t check a doctor’s order for an IV. (I didn’t even know how to do that on the computer, let alone how it do it while the other nurse is doing intake on the said computer.) I knew it was the right patient, everyone knew it was the right patient. So why check?

So here’s my thought: Maybe what made me be a bad nursing student is that I didn’t realize why what I did was so bad. Maybe the fact that I just don’t understand is why I needed to not be a nurse.

This is a new thought for me. Because I’ve been trusting G-d about the fact that I failed, though I don’t understand why. However, maybe this is partly why. Because I just didn’t get it.

On a side note, if anyone would like to get a copy of those said notes I tossed  with the hope that maybe it’ll help you understand whatever you’re learning, just leave me a comment and I’ll e-mail them to you. I pretty much studied off of just those notes that I took during class and got an A- in my class doing that. (No reading the text book.)

Since I’m looking at a variety of options though, and because this is in reality a story about my travels through nursing school, I can’t write much of my real life here. As such, I started something new: One Day in Words

So far as anyone who reads this story, this is the epilogue of what happened after this. I will try posting small updates here,  but for the most part, I’ll say where I went after over there.

On a different hand, I am hoping to fill in the gaps about what actually happened. It’s really hard for a lot of reasons. Look at it this way. I’m having a nice conversation with someone about everything and  he, knowing I was in nursing, asks me when I’m graduating. Since he asked me this earlier, I have to tell him the truth.

“I failed out of nursing.”

Awkward silence. “Oh. I’m sorry.” More awkward silence.

Yeah. Totally not fun. Or we have the situation where an old nursing comrade of mine comes up to me, since I”m studying in the library.

“So, Abigail, what are you doing now?”

“Well, right now I’m writing a blog post. But I should be writing a paper.”

“No, I mean, are you going to apply back?”

Not fun either.

Here’s what I do know:

I’m not going back into nursing. I asked my teacher point blank if I should, and she said that’s probably not the best option for me.

I’m doing okay. It’s not an act. I’m happy. I even said last night I’m way too happy for my own good. Maybe this is because I’m suddenly basically stress free. Maybe it’s because I didn’t really want to be a nurse. I don’t know. But I’m okay.

I’m not sure what happened. I get that question a lot. “Well, how did you fail clinicals?” Truth is: I’m not sure.

I am going to hopefully explore how I failed clinicals over the next month or so. I will be trying to post backdated messages to better illustrate what happened. Maybe I failed nursing, but maybe through this, you won’t.

So what is the wow for? The wow is that in the past week, I have had 41 hits on the concept of being a 3.75 GPA student and still failing. That is wow.

On  a side note, if you want something to read of mine, either check out Always a Writer, where I discuss writing, my travels through writing, or how to write. And if you want to know what happened to me, look at One Day in Words.

And good luck to you on your adventure into nursing.

However, although I didn’t really post much last semester at all, I should probably close this story.

It began last month. Well, I suppose it began last semester when I got a 2 on one of my reviews. I can’t get a 2 and graduate. That went into me working closely with my teachers to try and get a better review. However, I had a few too many problems.

Week 1) I did great. Even my teacher thought I did well.

Week 2) I’m not even sure what happened… Oh yeah. I had a very easy patient, and just one, and so I felt bored and I let a few things slip. Or I forgot about them. We decided to give me two patients the next week. However, in order to make it more formal she wrote it up and put me on probation.

Week 3) I was sick. Didn’t go.

Week 4) We had a snow day.

Week 5) I got two patients. One of these patients was a post-op. I didn’t fully know what to do and I didn’t understand everything that I was suppose to do in a way. (It’s like, I needed to make the mental click between the assessment and the time needed for it.) Then I was like a chicken with my head cut off and it went really poor. Probation number 2.

Now, realize that I was put on probation during the last spring and when I asked what happens, they said basically nothing and don’t worry about it. I looked in the syllabus and there was nothing. Turns out it was all in the handbook, which I didn’t know.

Week 6) I thought I did great, even though my teacher followed me around. I thought I checked name band, thought I was on top of the meds, thought I did very well. Except for two situations, maybe three. First, I had some problems drawing up the insulin. Second, I couldn’t figure out what tamiflu was for and a made a stupid guess. Third, I didn’t check name bands when testing for a glucose, but I didn’t know where to even do this, and besides that, we never have before.

However, I didn’t do nearly as well as I thought. Number one and two didn’t matter. It was number three. Besides that, she didn’t see me check it for a med. And she didn’t see me check it for an IV. (Again, didn’t know I was really suppose to, or how. I never put in an IV.)

So because of that I was kicked out of the nursing program. I am officially done with the program.

Now, I have a few options. First option is I can wait, and reapply next year. However, since my teacher was very concerned about safety, and they didn’t seem all that hesitant about mentioning it to me, instead mentioning places where I can go to find new jobs, I have a feeling that is not a possibility very much.

Second option is I can change my degree completely. Maybe education. Maybe something else.

Third option is I can leave school completely and try to find a random job.

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m leaning towards option two, but I’m not sure. Right now, I’m just trying to get through this, explore my options, and figure out where to go from here.

However, it turned out that she was in a meeting all day, so I couldn’t. Now I have to submit it without anyone looking it over. I really don’t like that, because I really  want a good rotation for practicum. Preferably at the hospital here.

The good news is that I got permission to put only three places on my requested locations. That means I don’t have to worry about leaving Mitchell for a month. Yay!

Below, I’m going to include my essay as it is now. Maybe I’ll change some things, maybe I won’t. I don’t know right now.

You don’t know me. Chances are you will make a decision that will impact my future without ever meeting me. However, I hope that through this, I can show you my passion for nursing, my passion for new life, and my plans for the future. Perhaps this will let you know me just a little bit.

I chose nursing for numerous reasons. I knew I wanted to help people. From when I was little, almost all my careers involved helping people in some way or another.  I also wanted to make people’s days brighter and happier. Any place in healthcare can be scary or frustrating, but I hope that as a nurse I can make it just a little less scary or frustrating. Lastly, I wanted to be challenged by something new, instead of bogged down by the same old thing day in and day out.

When I started nursing, I fully expected my favorite rotation during clinical to be maternity. Everything that changes during those nine months from conception to birth, for both the woman and the child, has always fascinated me. During my time on the maternity floor, I had the chance  to see these little babies, barely a year old, about to head into the world for the first time and it just amazed me all over again. I have always liked teaching so offering help and guidance to a woman during a completely new time in her life, when they feel so nervous and uncertain, appealed to me. Sometimes, just to be there as a gentle word of guidance could make all the difference. As such, maternity has been my favorite rotation. I expect pediatrics will be my second favorite, but since I have not rotated there yet, I cannot comment on that. My second favorite area currently is probably ICU, but that could very well be because I liked the heart so much.

I have had no healthcare related experience. However, I like learning. I think without my passion to gather as much knowledge from any topic as I can and store it, I would have never made it through college. I learn quickly, both verbally and visually. I also am creative and good at finding ways to do things not previously done. These skills of gathering information, the ability to understand and explain it, and my creativity has made me a good tutor. Also, if I say I will do something or be somewhere, I will be there, regardless of who I promised.

By next year, I hope to be working as a nurse either in an OB/GYN clinic, on the maternity floor in a hospital, or in a pediatric clinic. I think I would prefer the clinic, merely because I can develop some kind of relationship with the clients, whereas in a hospital, they come for merely a few days and I never get to learn what happened to them, to rejoice when they rejoice or they hold their hand with they cry. In five years, I would like to have at least started working towards a masters degree to be a nurse midwife with the plan of opening my own practice in South Dakota after gaining experience.

So now you know why I went into nursing, my passion and where I hope this passion for both nursing and pregnant woman will get me in the future.

 

1. OB final
2. OB clinical final
3. OB unit 4 test.
4. Regular nursing final
5. Regular nursing clinical final
6. Regular nursing unit 4 test.
7. Role development final
8. Chemistry final
9. Chemistry chapter 7 and 8 test

At least I’m not as stressed as other people. :)t

I mean, seriously isn’t fair.

Last week my sister was sick. She “can’t” swallow pills. (I think she’s convinced herself so much that she can’t swallow pills that she can’t.) And yes, okay, she was sicker than me. She did end up taking children’s liquid medicane because her fever went up to 102. However, she was sick and that’s the point.

So i cleaned the house for Thanksgiving.

I cleaned the house for Shabbat.

I did almost everything except cook (I don’t cook) and wash about 75% of the dishes. (My mom did.) What did she do? Laid on the couch Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Now I don’t feel good.

My back hurts. My neck hurts. I threw up this morning. (May be not related. I did take some medicine on a mostly empty stomach.) And the only way to keep the pain to a bearable level is to take Tylenol every four hours on the dot. So I figure I’m sick and since I have eight tests in the next twelve days, i should rest when I can.

However, because I can take Tyneol, and because I have responsibilities–practicum paper, tests over the next two weeks, student senate, work–I can’t lay on the couch and be sick. So I need to tough it out and go to school and play on the computer.

What does this mean for me?

When I get home, I apparently can also do the dishes. And because I only clear half the table and then get on my computer, I’m lazy.

Doesn’t matter that my Tylenol just ran out and my neck is starting to hurt again.

Wonderful.

However, everyone else seemed to agree, so the teacher went over it in class.  As such, I’m going to repost it here.

Question 3:  Using SBAR, prepare your telephone communication to the physician.

Everywhere writes about how SBAR stands for situation, background, assessment, request. I even found a website that gave examples in this exact same method:

S : I have a patient here

B : This is why she came in today

A : I think she’s having renal failure.

R : I want something to lower her potassium.

However, when we got to class, she said that we want to do it differently.

S – I’m calling about this person with these symptoms.

B – This is her history, why she’s here, ect.

A – This is my current assessment of her. (Not what I think her condition is. This is that I found crackles half way up her lungs, an irregular heart rate, pitting edema, ect.)

R – This is only sometimes used. This would be used when the doctor hears a report and does nothing, or not what the nurse would want.

In our example, our patient had a 7.2 potassium level. (normal is 3.5 – 5). This level would be bordering on toxic, lethal dysrhythmias  kind of level. So if the doctor said, “Oh, That’s nice. Talk to you later.” Then you might want to ask, “Well, can I get some Kayalate and an ECG machine?”  And you’ll learn which doctors you have to say this to.

Question 4:

Now, document what you communicated to the physician

What, who and when you called.

what you told the doctor, including all of the lab results and assessment information.

You do not need to put in what the doctor ordered. If you do, merely put in something like, “See Dr orders.”

And that was pretty much all. Just keep in mind I’m not an authority on this topic. You can’t go back to your teacher and say, “But Abigail told me such and such.” I’m not a nurse yet. But that’s what my teacher told me, so  maybe you’ll have better luck, and a whole lot less stress, than I did.

Here’s a few things that are going on:

I’ve begun handing out candy again at school though. It’s fun, because everyone likes candy and everyone is so surprised when you give it. :)  I initially began it so I can get to know the first-year students, but that isn’t going too well.

I also got a 94 on my first test in OB, and an 88 (barely) on my cardiac test in regular nursing. I’m quite happy about that.

In order to help myself study, I set a schedule out of what I have to read by when. Since I don’t have a chapter for every class this semester (thank goodness!), I sometimes forgot that I still have to read things. So far, I’m behind most of the time, but it’ll be okay. I’m also allowing myself two to three days pre-test to study.

I’m homecoming, parade, float chairperson, but that is a whole entire other post, since I’m rather frustrated at how it is going. Let’s say that the leader isn’t being allowed to lead.

I’m trying to get people so I can tutor chemistry. So far, hardly anyone has showed up. This is quite frustrating, as I don’t like getting paid for nothing. I’m thinking about talking to Jacki (my boss) about how I can make it better. Maybe I can’t, but a change in time might not be such a bad idea.

Finally have a new hamster, but I don’t take him out a lot, which I don’t like myself either, but I just feel like I’m so busy. Especially since my brother is at school now.

Oh, and I’m wanting to start a campaign  against the IT department here, since they hate macs so much. Not too sure what good it’ll do, but again, no time for that. *sigh*

And I’m having problems getting my bachelors at my school. To summarize, they don’t have the accreditation I would need if I were to pursue a midwife degree. Right now that I’m fearing I’m getting burned out and the last thing I’m going to want to do is go back to school any time soon. Again, that is another post.

I might have a scholarship. Personally, I’m hoping for enough to cover my loan, which is about $3500, plus enough for a tricycle, but I’d be happy with the amount without the tricycle. I don’t think I mentioned about my loan yet either, so I’ll have to write that up too.

That’s about all. I’ll try to post later this week, if I can. I’d like to be able to catch up on Thursday, but I usually get home at 3 and sleep until dinner time.

1. The baby that has pneumonia
2. The 20 some week woman who is dehydrated
3. The woman being induced
4. The normal postpartum patient.

You guessed 4? Yeah, you’re right.

It’s so hard because this always seems to happen to me. To make it worse, I got put with someone else with this normal patient. So we don’t have much of anything to do, it’s not like I can do a lot of education because I don’t know a lot about newborn care. But see, this isn’t just the only time.

• I go to surgery and we get to observe one patient. Almost everyone else goes and they get to see four or five surgeries, anything from cataracts to C-sections.
• I go to the ER and people say that the Thursday is quiet and calm, especially for a Thursday.
• I go to the psych unit and I get a patient with borderline personality disorder.

Do you have any clue how frustrating this is?

Now, in all fairness, I began writing this on September 17th and I’m really posting this November 30th. My first patient on the surgical floor got transferred to ICU in the first week. Worse, I freaked bad, because I couldn’t figure out what I was suppose to do exactly (no one knew) and that was different. So maybe I’m just not ready for the difficult cases.

I’m honestly not trying to complain.

Last week I was really on the sick side. I’m talking like I couldn’t breath and took four medications to get to school. So far as it goes, any homework I did  I considered it to be a bonus. This put me very far behind for this week and even though I worked hard on Sunday, I was so drained on Monday that I did the bare minimal work.

Tuesday, I went on a trip to visit my brother, which means I can’t read any while in the car.

Wednesday was Rosh Hashanah, which I can claim that means I don’t need to write a post because I don’t on Saturday, but I needed to clean the house beforehand, and sign up to tutor at school. (I got another job tutoring Chemistry for two hours. Yay!)

And then today I’m just getting more swamped with homework, as I had to go to clinicals. So now I have this whole pile of homework, a test on Wednesday, another one on Monday (the 20th) and another one possibly on this Monday.

So it’s not that I am overwhelmed, it’s more that I’m just behind from going to see my brother, not using Labor Day weekend effectively, and being sick. So I’m hoping to get a good bit of work done tomorrow. But not incredibly hopeful, seeing as I need to get home early to clean for shabbat. *sigh*