So I guess I will still occasionally post here when it’s related to nursing. This is from my current blog, One Day in Words

In preparation for leaving in six–YIKES!–days, I have been doing some cleaning. All last week, I cleaned my room. I found old English assignments from when I was 12-13. I found my first page of notes for Shad that I ever wrote. I found journal entries from when I was six. (I was never good at keeping a journal. Don’t know why a blog is that different.)

All in all, cleaning out my room wasn’t that bad. I found I had a lot of craft supplies, I saved a lot of my story notes, and that was about it. (I’m a paper hoarder. All my memories are on paper.)

Then, today, I cleaned out where I kept my old school books, notebooks and textbooks.

Throwing away all my nursing notes wasn’t as hard as I had been expecting. I was tempted to save them, but in reality, I’m not lugging them all to USF and if I need to reference anything from them, I can always do a spotlight search and find what I need.

The problem is that my probation letters were found there too. The ones that said, “Abigail, you’re having a bad time in clinical. You really need to improve.” Then the ones that said, “Abigail, you failed out.” And I just recently saw the one that said, “Abigail, you can’t come back.”

Now, my mom doesn’t know about the last one, and she kinda doesn’t know about the three warnings I got. I didn’t realize how bad it was until after the fact. (Keep in mind that they put me on probation the first year for assessments and when I asked them what would happen, they said not to worry about it. Don’t ever give me that answer again, teachers. I want the straight truth.)

Moreover, I don’t know what to do with them. Some part of me is thinking that, although I’m throwing out everything that is related to nursing except these, maybe I should just toss them too and be done with it. The other part of me is thinking that I should save them, just in case, which is what I’ll probably do. Save them, hide them upstairs under my drawings from when I was 11 and my old English assignments under my bed.

This started me thinking, though. I really don’t understand or think it is that fair that I failed. I’m trusting that G-d knew what he was doing. G-d was protecting me. Now how sending me into teaching is protecting me I sometimes don’t know. But he’s wise beyond all measure and he knows what he’s doing down here. (Some of my evidence for that comes from the fact that the teacher remembered something way different than how it happened.)

Anyway, I don’t understand really how I failed. I’m not a rule breaker. If I knew a rule, I’d follow it. If I understood the procedures, I’d follow it. The problem is that I didn’t understand. Somewhere, that information was lost.

But here’s the other problem. I don’t get why what I did is so dangerous. After all, I didn’t check a patient’s wrist band before I took her sugar. (I did, although the teacher didn’t believe it, always check the wrist bands for medications, except once when the teacher threw me off by being there.) I didn’t check a doctor’s order for an IV. (I didn’t even know how to do that on the computer, let alone how it do it while the other nurse is doing intake on the said computer.) I knew it was the right patient, everyone knew it was the right patient. So why check?

So here’s my thought: Maybe what made me be a bad nursing student is that I didn’t realize why what I did was so bad. Maybe the fact that I just don’t understand is why I needed to not be a nurse.

This is a new thought for me. Because I’ve been trusting G-d about the fact that I failed, though I don’t understand why. However, maybe this is partly why. Because I just didn’t get it.

On a side note, if anyone would like to get a copy of those said notes I tossed  with the hope that maybe it’ll help you understand whatever you’re learning, just leave me a comment and I’ll e-mail them to you. I pretty much studied off of just those notes that I took during class and got an A- in my class doing that. (No reading the text book.)

Explore posts in the same categories: classes, clinicals, thoughts

Tags: class, failing, life, memories, notes, nursing, probation, teachers, thoughts

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